Change of Scenery

I think that’s what I’m needing right now.

School ended, unfortunately. Second semester was moderately tame because the only things that were in my life were school and my girlfriend. Most of my friendships crumbled, except for the ones that truly mattered. I spent my nights doing homework and my weekends with my girlfriend.

The week school got out I went to Michigan for five days to work on my 1990 VW Corrado. I got it road-worthy again, and drove it back to Dayton. I stopped and spent a night at my girlfriend’s, who was still in school. Some stuff went down that I wasn’t too happy with, but oh well. It happens. Nothing left to do but get over it.

The week I got home I spent most of my time sitting around, feeling entirely useless. I had started the job hunt, and with Dayton’s economy I was getting nowhere. Tuesday night I picked up my girlfriend. I was already sick of being in Dayton, so I was pretty happy to get out for a few hours, especially to spend it with her.

Nothing too exciting happened after that. I’ve been dealing with a lot of flack from my parents about stuff lately. Grades, money, you name it. Apparently I’m a failure of a son, as I’ve noted before. They say I don’t give enough back, and I honestly can’t think of any way to give anymore than I already do.

I’m out of the house a lot because I can’t fucking stand it here. Being back on the leash of no independence, under my parent’s rule. Fun stuff there. Rules, guidelines, anything. It’s such a culture shock, compared to what I’ve been living like at school.

I did finally get a job. I’m looking for a second. I work third shift at Wal-Mart. I started last night, but had to leave about two hours early because I was basically dying. My manager wasn’t happy at all. I still feel pretty crappy, but can’t call off tonight. I have to work… I need to toughen up and just work through it.

I don’t know… I don’t think I have much else to say.

Because I don’t wanna be like this
I’ve been running these streets
for too long now
I’ve got nothing thats true
but this song now
but the further I go
I wanna go home

Because I don’t wanna be like this
I’ve been running these streets
for too long now
I’ve got nothing thats true
but this song now
but the further I go
I wanna go home

I fuckin’ swear that I care
but its hard when you stare
into the bottom of a bottle
that is empty and bare
all my desolate soul
in my desolate home
it’s my desolate role
yeah I’m here all alone
I can’t think of a reason
to get the fuck out of bed
curtains closed, lights are off
Am I alive or dead?
I haven’t shaved in a week
I always slur when I speak
tolerance at its peak
another fit just to sleep
oh woe is me woe is me
I guess I need love
hoes ya see hoes ya see
I’m just in a rut
and I swear I’m tryin baby please
Baby don’t leave
god-damn I’m a fuck-up
But I guess that’s just me
so I sit in my room
and I’ll cry in my bed
thinkin about all the shit
that made me wrong in my head
I keep tryin to climb
but it seems so steep
pour myself a fuckin’ whisky
and go back to sleep…. bitch

Because I don’t wanna be like this
I’ve been running these streets
for too long now
I’ve got nothing thats true
but this song now
but the further I go
I wanna go home

Because I don’t wanna be like this
I’ve been running these streets
for too long now
I’ve got nothing thats true
but this song now
but the further I go
I wanna go home

I watch my momma cry
she says ‘baby why?’
I say ‘baby died,
baby’s gone like a suicide’
I don’t think you’ll see him soon, mom
stay out my room, mom
tell daddy that I hate
that mother f**ker like you, mom
I sing this shit for you, Danny, Sasha and Jordan
these tears keep gettin warmer
everytime that I hold her
I pour this out for you
like a partner in crime
it’s part of the times
when you’re sick in the mind
yeah I’m sick, oh so sick
I’m so sick of this shit
Yeah I’m lit, oh so lit
I’m so f**ked up off it
so I stumble around
til I stumble fall down
to this puddle of my tears
layin here on the ground

when you’ve got nothing left
you’ve got nothing left to lose
with my last left single breath
I’ll still be singing to you
so when you bury me man
you better bury me deep
and sing along to this song
because you’re broken like me

Because I don’t wanna be like this
I’ve been running these streets
for too long now
I’ve got nothing thats true
but this song now
but the further I go
I wanna go home

And I wanna go back to the start
back where we started from
and I know it’s been so long
I was wrong, I was wrong
I was wrong all along

Because I don’t wanna be like this
I’ve been running these streets
for too long now
I’ve got nothing thats true
but this song now
but the further I go
I wanna go home

Hollywood Undead – The Diary

~ by Traverse on June 3, 2009.